PART 1: KUNDALINI ACTIVATION. As I sat there patiently yet nervously waiting for the healer, Mario Sanchez, to arrive to my villa to facilitate a kundalini activation (or Cosmic Healing as he calls it), with one hand on my stomach, one hand on my heart I connected to what my intention was...
EJ Love, Australia/Bali 2017 PART 1
EJ Love, Australia/Bali 2017
(PART 1) KUNDALINI ACTIVATION
ALLOWING A MAN TO LOVE ME
As I sat there patiently yet nervously waiting for the healer, Mario Sanchez, to arrive to my villa to facilitate a kundalini activation (or Cosmic Healing as he calls it), with one hand on my stomach, one hand on my heart I connected to what my intention was.
My intention was to surrender and let go to release anything that was blocking me from receiving particularly around sexual pleasure, to allow myself to heal any shame and guilt that was causing any disconnection in my body.
My intention was to come back even more into my body again.
To be a more embodied woman.
To allow myself to be desired.
To allow myself to be wanted.
Something that has been coming up in my awareness lately is that I haven’t been allowing men to desire me.
As I was connecting to this intention I realized that I had been creating a wall around being wanted, a belief that it was not safe to be wanted.
Yet, I had also longed to be wanted and desired my whole life.
My ex-partner had always told me how much he wanted me.
How me he desired me.
How much he loved me.
And this, in his words, this is why he abused me ‘because he loved me so much’.
Was this the reason I had been putting up this wall, not allowing men to desire me?
To stay in safety and comfortability, a place that I could control and not allow anyone in to disrupt my space.
To completely destroy my space, as I had allowed before.
Tuning into this intention more, the words that came to me was that
‘I HAVE TO ALLOW A MAN TO LOVE ME’.
So, I was saying this to myself over and over ‘my intention is to allow myself to be loved’.
Tears started to well up in my ears and stroll down my face as I came to this realization, that I have not been allowing this.
I have not even allowed myself to be loved by a man who knows how to love from a healthy place.
Instead, I have been so focused on being in the teacher and space holder role.
And using this as a way to protect myself and keep myself safe.
And not trusting anyone enough to do the same for me.
In the past six years I’ve been so focused on loving myself
In the last year I’ve been so focused on how I can love men and hold space for them
I forgot about allowing men to actually love me and hold space for me!
I can see now that I’ve felt like a man’s love is not safe for me to receive.
How ridiculous does that sound?!
But somewhere held in my body and running in my subconscious I have been living out this belief as though it is true.
When the universe randomly aligned for Mario and I to meet (as it often does in Bali!), I initially was skeptical and asked him a lot of questions, because of course, I had to make sure I could trust him and would feel safe in the session.
I am very particular about the men who I allow to do any sort of intimate touch bodywork on me and I have to know they are in alignment and come from an energetically clean space.
And in this session, I knew I would had to trust, surrender and drop into full vulnerability and receptivity.
I would have to allow a man to hold space for me, for once!
It would take a very strong, present and grounded man for me to feel safe to truly go there.
Even though I had no idea what I was surrendering to, I just felt so called to do this.
I knew that this is what I had been asking the universe for and here it was, delivered to me in Bali in a cosmic healer from the other side of the world!
So, I said yes.
It is so hard to describe what happened in this session, but I’m going to do my best to share what happened on a live stream in my women’s group Soulful Sexual Women.
But what I can tell you on here now is that I felt a sense of a cracking open of my heart.
I dropped into this space of just being, of just receiving and allowing whatever needed to happen to come through.
After the session, I swam naked in the pool and felt everything, saw the beauty in everything, the trees, the beetles, the kites flying high above.
I saw the beauty in my naked body, as though I was looking at it for the first time.
I felt embodied in my feminine
And present and held by my masculine.
Having released shame, guilt and anger from my body.
I had come back home, into my body.
Feeling deeply connected to myself and my soul.
Peaceful, heart opened and alive.
And I am feeling this opening within me to receiving from a man again – a healthy man.
I then booked in for another session with Mario which happened a few days ago.
This one just took me to a another level of opening.
I will share this with you soon, to be continued - PART 2 of my Bali Healing and Activation!
P.S. I have referred many of my friends to Mario who have had similar experiences and awakenings. He is a world traveller so who knows where he may be next, but I am hoping to get him over to Australia one day soon so everyone can experience the cosmic healing!
You can message him on facebook or comment below if you want to ask any questions, he will reply to you on here. Hopefully the universe may align you to be in the same place at the same time like it did for us!
This was like nothing I have experienced before and I would love every woman to experience it.
If you want to know more about what happened in the kundalini activation session for me, jump into my group Soulful Sexual Women where I will be live streaming on exactly what happened.
Thank you to the.
Thank you to the.
Thank you to myself.
Thank you to Mario for providing your healing gift and holding space for me.
I asked the Universe and it delivered
PART 2: The Cosmic Healing. SEXUAL DESIRE RISING. FEELING SAFE TO EXPRESS ALL OF ME. Following on from my recent post on my first session, I had decided to book in a second session with Mario, from Healing Waves. Thinking I already knew what to expect, I was surprised that this session actually had a completely different feeling for me...
EJ Love, Australia/Bali 2017 PART 2
EJ Love, Australia/Bali 2017
Part 2: The Cosmic Healing
SEXUAL DESIRE RISING
FEELING SAFE TO EXPRESS ALL OF ME
Following on from my recent post on my first session, I had decided to book in a second session with Mario, from Healing Waves.
Thinking I already knew what to expect, I was surprised that this session actually had a completely different feeling for me.
This session was focused around the element of earth, bringing in grounding, stability and re-connection.
For me, I found this was really about creating safety in my body so that I can fully allow myself to explore arousal and express my sexual desires.
Going into the session I felt myself resisting it, but eventually letting go as I moved through my wild woman, yelling and screaming, releasing the pain I was carrying, connected to many past lives.
Then I started to notice this arousal then sexual desire rise in me.
This is something that I had consistently shut down in the past.
For years it had mostly been about me serving men’s sexual desire rather than fulfilling and exploring mine.
I had made it all about them and me always giving, giving, giving.
Because that is what felt safe for me.
And I was making myself responsible for their happiness.
But I was also giving from a place of avoidance.
To avoid being vulnerable, to avoid being seen.
I was serving men to be liked, to be wanted, to be worthy, to be lovable, to get paid!
Men would ask me what was into sexually and my automatic thoughts were (with a roll of my eyes) ‘I don’t really know, this isn’t about me, it’s about you’.
Having no clue that these men really wanted to please me and I had no idea that I was actually completely disconnected from my own desires!
So in this session I just allowed myself to feel the arousal and then the sexual desire rise, rather than shutting it down, so I could really connect with it and integrate it.
Being a sexuality practitioner myself, I know it is normal for clients to get aroused in sessions and part of the work I do is to welcome and honour the sexual desire rather than shame it.
This is one of the greatest ways we can heal sexual shame, is just to be held and seen in our sexual desire even if we can’t act on it in that moment.
This is so healing for a woman, since the patriarchy has made women’s sexual desire ‘sinful’ and wrong.
In the first session I had cried quite a lot, but this time by the end I hadn’t cried at all…yet…
But just when I thought the session was finished, Mario then said to me:-
‘All that responsibility you are holding, all that mother energy, so much of it, looking after everyone, you don’t have to do it all anymore yourself.
YOU ARE FREE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE NOW’.
As soon as those words came out of his mouth, I burst into tears!
Oh there they were. A truckload of them!
Mario came over and hugged me as I just wept on his shoulder.
He asked me ‘how do you feel?’
When I tried to find those feelings inside of me, I could simply not describe one thing, because what it was, I realised later, was the absolute feeling of being HELD.
Words escape me for how to describe this emotion, like everything I have been longing to experience.
I just felt completely safe to let go of all that responsibility and I felt so safe as he held me.
I felt safe to feel everything and to be anything.
Nothing to prove, nothing to give, nothing to do.
But just free to just be there in all of my wildness, messiness and craziness.
From my wild woman, to my slut and falling into my vulnerable maiden.
Being witnessed through all of it and being held in it so beautifully.
Mario then gently put his third eye to mine and we just breathed there together as he looked into my eyes.
I was being seen.
There was no hiding.
It felt like a moment in time stopped.
Like I was being seen by the whole Universe.
She, Mother Earth, the Goddesses and Priestesses of times past, the Divine Feminine, Shakti – I could feel all of them within me.
He was simply holding space for me to see and feel the divinity that was in me.
That the Mother Goddess who brought life to the Earth, is within me.
Knowing now that I don’t have to hold it all on my own,
That I can allow and trust another to hold space for me.
That I can allow Mother Earth to hold me.
That I do not have to function from trying to keep myself safe anymore
Because I am completely Safe and held here on Earth.
And that I am completely safe to feel and express my sexual desires!
Since then I have felt so much more alive in my body.
I feel like I am on another level of awakening in my heart and my soul.
It’s like a big switch has been turned on inside of me and I am radiating out to the world!
My sexual expression and desire has also been taken to a whole other level!
And writing, well, what I am about to share with you is cosmic level, wild, sexy, juicy, goodness that is just pouring out of me.